sentio hero



So here’s the deal. I’ve been slacking on everything, ever since moving into our new house. I gave myself permission to slack at first because, you know, moving house and getting your kid settled into a new school takes up a lot of physical and emotional attention. But it’s been two years now and slacking has become the new norm.

For a few years I had this great routine. I would get up at 4am on workdays. I would sit with my coffee in the silence of the early morning hours, reading and then scribbling a few things down in my journal. Then I would do a little bit of yoga, then a little bit of strength training, take a shower, get ready for work. I was all done before 6:30, which was when I’d have to wake Liam up for school. Starting my morning this way gave my whole day a sense of direction. I was so much more productive at work, I stayed focused and on task.
After work, before heading home to the world of parenting, laundry and cooking dinner, I would go for a run. Claiming those few hours in the morning and the hour after work, all to myself, without interruption, was all I needed to feel ready to give others what they needed from me.

I want to get back to that routine. But I’m struggling to get out of bed on time as it is these days. I’m stuck in that cycle that so many stressed adults fall into. You sleep badly because you’re stressed, which means you’re exhausted throughout the day. Being exhausted means everything takes that much longer to get done. To keep up and function you start surviving on caffine, junk food and take-out because you have no time to plan decent meals. Meanwhile the spinach and avocados you bought last weekend and swore you would eat are now turning brown and soggy. This all culminates in a level of crankyness that gets expressed in any number of unhealthy ways (yelling at the cats, yelling at the dog, yelling at your 11 year old, yelling at the corner of the countertop you just ran into and then spending the rest of the night consuming a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. No joke. This is how I’ve been functioning).

I need to take action. What better way to do that then to make a list of goals and broadcasting them to the world on a blog that virtually nobody reads.

I’m going to start with 4. These are more like habits I want to adopt than they are goals. If I can adopt good habits then the more specific goals can come later.

1) Sleep better. I have this feeling that if I get to bed early enough, get a solid night of sleep then everything else will be a lot easier to address. In bed by 9:30 and asleep by 10pm.

2) Wake-up at 5:30am and spend time reading/writing. Then, maybe in time, I can work my way back to the 4am wake-up.

3) Blog once a week. Journaling is great but I think blogging forces you to reflect on your live with more intention.

4) Tackle one house project per week. This is mainly a necessity at this point, there are a lot of areas in my house that our completely disorganized. When my house is disorganized, I feel almost clausterphobic. It stresses me out.

I’ll track my progress using OneNote, because I can use check-boxes.  There is something very satisfying  about clicking inside a box and having this wonderful red check appear.

I’m not aiming for 100%.  Seems like the minute I expect perfection from myself, the faster I loose interest. So, my goal for now will be 75%. A good solid C average.  I’m good with that for now. 



I’ve been thinking a lot lately about seasonal traditions, how we’ve incorporated the one’s I grew up with and added new as we went along. For instance, apple picking has become a regular thing for us in October.  I never knew this was a thing until I met my sons father who grew-up in central New York where there are apple trees growing in backyards and orchards all around.

Christmas has always been my favorite time of year. I’m not sure why, I’ve just always looked back childhood Christmas with fondness.  I can’t really remember ever having a bad Christmas at all.  It was also the only holiday that we celebrated consistently every year (I pretty much stopped trick-o-treating when I was about nine and Thanksgiving wasn’t really a thing in our family).  Christmas was that one tradition that I remember having any kind of real anticipation attached to it. There was turkey, mom’s gravy, my dad’s southern styled potato salad (lots of pickle juice, lots of mayo, a little bit of mustard), sometimes extended family would visit.  We would also dress-up. Like, really dress-up as in fancy dinner suit/tie, dressy dress type of stuff.  In fact, it was pretty much the only day of the year we would all be in the same room wearing fancy stuff. Then there were the traditional Christmas themed movies to watch. Although this didn’t really become a thing for me until I moved to the states right before I started high school.  A Muppet’s Christmas Carol and A Christmas Story were probably my favorites.

I’m glad that Liam gets to experience Christmas in much the same way I did. There’s something very comforting about sharing those same traditions. Although he doesn’t really like my dad’s potato salad very much, he is a huge fan of my mom’s gravy.  He also loves A Muppet’s Christmas Carol as much as I do but has never really likes A Christmas Story.  He was about seven when he watched it for the first time and he seemed to find the scene with the neighborhood bully, Scut Farkas, to be a little disturbing.

Liam and I have slowly added new traditions as the years of have gone by.  I usually always buy him a Christmas themed book every year. This year I bought him The Polar Express by Chris Van Allsburgh.  This was partly to coincide with a trip we took this past weekend to Utica where we actually caught The Polar Express Train Ride :-). The train ride is provided by the Adirondack Scenic Railroad Company. The kids had a great time riding in a vintage train.  It was dark outside so they weren’t able to see much of the scenery but that didn’t seem to matter.  There was plenty going on inside the train.  The Coco chef’s served up cookies and hot chocolate while everyone listened to the audio book. Then we stopped at the North Pole (otherwise known as Holland Patent) and Santa boarded the train. He spent time talking to each child as we rode the train back to Utica.  By the time we got back, the snow was really coming down and everything around us looked and felt so Christmas-y.




5am, strong coffee and generally good intentions

There were grand plans this morning to get a head start on my last post-grad course, but something went awry and I ended up babbling this in my journal.  Most of it’s too cheesy, even for a Hallmark card but here’s to 5am writing, strong coffee and generally good intentions.


I am a woman (or a lady…depending on the day and how full the swear jar is).

I am a mother, someone’s daughter, a sister, a friend.

I am a teacher, a learner, a creator.

I am sometimes strong, sometimes no so much.

I am sometimes wrong, sometimes right and most generally clueless.  But I’m always ready either way.

I believe in kindness and compassion.  In love and acceptance. In soft warm mushy words and a gentle light touch.

I believe in mistakes, and learning from them.  I believe in “I’m sorry” and five minute make-up hugs.
I believe in cute distractions, like kittens on laundry piles and excited six-year olds with Minecraft/Lord of the Rings mash-up stories.
I believe in waiting it out.  I believe in second chances.  Sometimes thirds.  But never fourths.  I believe in walking away and “don’t look back, you’re not going that way.”
I believe in choosing, and the responsibility that follows.

I believe in knowing when to let go and when never to give-up.  I believe in those who told me so.

I believe in smiles, and hello handshakes. I believe in short goodbyes, long deep breaths and bolting the door behind you.
I believe in now and loving each moment.  I believe in what’s here, instead of more more more out there.

I believe in tomorrow and the hope that follows.
I believe I’m enough, you’re enough, we’re all enough.  I believe, my side of the fence is just as good as yours.

I believe in me and always forever in you.  I believe in together, the strength it brings and oh the things we can do.
I believe in the beyond, the secrets it holds and the experiences that await.

I believe in finally getting there and the push, excuse me…the ass-kicking it might take.



It comes out of nowhere.

You neglect to notice someone you probably should of,

   content with letting them blend into your own personal landscaped background,

      until one day they walk past and you watch them unlock the door to their office. 

                   And then you notice it.

                         And then you feel it.

                               And then you despair.

  • 1
  • 2
November 2017
« Sep