Life is hard right now. Really hard. Most of it centers around my son. I won’t go into detail other than to say that it can be hard to parent a teenager. Really hard. Parenting through a lockdown, harder still. I do have support. His father, although living in a different state, is very supportive. I also have my parents living with me and a brother overseas who constantly checks on me. I could probably use a friend or two, someone outside the family circle. That would be healthy. It’s just hard when you move to a different state with high hopes, a new school, new job, new places to explore and suddenly you’re hit with a global pandemic. For me, at that point, making friends could be put on hold. Besides, I tend not to need many friends, I’m pretty low maintenance and usually require low maintenance friendships. The kind of friendships where if you call me and I don’t call you back, you don’t take it personally. But for a growing teenager, friendships are important and how do you make friends during a lockdown when your only means of connection is a smart phone. It’s a short term solution. But long term? Not so much.
I’ve been rewatching My So Called Life on Hulu. I absolutely loved that series when I was in high school. I related so much to Angela Chase, all the way down to the overalls and flannels. Rewatching it as a parent I’m now struck by how much I relate, instead, to her mom. The moments she has with Angela, when she thinks she’s simply sharing her concern but instead it comes out sounding critical, the fear and slight sadness that she feels when she realizes how little influence she now has on her daughter and how that influence is so quickly being replaced by Angela’s friends. It’s a universal experience. Many parents can relate.
My intentions for this week is to take care of myself. To be kind to myself. I have a massage scheduled for Tuesday morning. The first in over a year. I’ve been vaccinated for a month now, so I think it’s time to start doing more outside the house besides just shopping. I desperately need a hair cut but I think I’ll wait on that. I need to renew my YMCA membership again. Might start attending some exercise classes. Next month our campus will be moving forward with plans to reopen. We’ll all be going back to work for three days and working from home two. Then, come July, we’ll all be back five days as usual. I will miss hanging out in my yoga pants and snuggling with my cats while I work.